Supporting Marriage and the Family

Address by Most Rev Seán Brady, Archbishop of Armagh and Primate of All Ireland at Irish Bishops’ Conference seminar ‘Supporting Marriage and Family Life’

3 May 2004 | Buswells Hotel, Dublin

Introduction

Bishop Jones, distinguished guests and friends.

The Church is well aware of the changed conditions of families in today’s world.
In Ireland, this is sometimes characterised as the growing shift from the large,
rural, family with strong religious commitment to the small, nuclear, independent,
urban style family. Yet we should be wary of over simplifying the picture. On
the one hand, the concept of the close family bond is so ingrained in Irish history
and culture and so appreciated for its worth, that it would be a mistake to proclaim
its inevitable demise. On the other, the experience of the new and broader sense
of family which has emerged over recent years has not proved so successful at
securing the happiness of its adherents that it can be presumed to be the agreed,
even the dominant model of the future.

Family: The Primary Vital Cell

What is certain, however, is that in discussing the relationship between the family
and society, there is much at stake. We are, in this debate, in a very real sense,
on sacred ground. The Holy Father did not exaggerate when he said that ‘the future
of the world passes by way of the family’ (FC #86). Not only are marriage and family
grounded in the will of God and revealed by the order of nature, they are also the
primary source of stability, life and love in any society, that ‘primary vital cell’
from which the rest of society derives so much of its own cohesion and potential
success. This fact is recognised by our own Constitution when it describes the family
‘as the necessary basis of social order and as indispensable to the welfare of the
Nation and the State.’ (Article 41.1.2 Irish Constitution). The Greek Constitution
expresses the same conviction when it describes the family as ‘the foundation of
the conservation and the progress of the nation.’ Such values are consistent in
turn with Article 16 of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights when it states:
‘The family is a fundamental nucleus or cell of society and of the State and, as
such, should be recognised and protected.’ Article 16 of the Social Charter of
Europe (1961), Article 23 of the International Treaty on Civil Rights, Article
10 of the International Charter on Economic, Social and Cultural Rights as well
as many other national and international instruments both affirm and develop this
basic insight that the family is the nucleus of society, and for that reason is
deserving of special status, development and care.

Our seminar here today is an expression of that care. In the words of the Holy
Father’s recent exhortation on the Church in Europe, recognition ‘is due to the
many families who, in the simplicity of a daily existence lived in love, are
visible witnesses to the presence of Jesus who accompanies and sustains them with
the gift of his Spirit. In order to support them on their journey,’ the Holy Father
goes on to say, ‘it will be necessary to enrich the theology and spirituality of
marriage and family life; to proclaim with firmness and integrity, and to demonstrate
by convincing examples, the truth and the beauty of the family founded upon marriage
and understood as a stable and fruitful union of man and woman; and to promote in
every ecclesial community an adequate and integrated programme of pastoral care
for the family.’ (#91). Such issues are at the very heart of our discussions today.

But as we begin this seminar, it is important to acknowledge that the Church also
needs, in the words of the Holy Father, ‘to provide assistance to those who are in
difficult situations… In all events it will be necessary to encourage, assist and
support families, both individually and in associations, who seek to play their
proper role in the Church and in society, and to work for the promotion of genuine
and adequate family policies on the part of the individual States and the European
Union.’ (#91)

It is for this reason that the Catholic Church has both a duty and a right to teach
and act in defence of the primacy of the natural institutions of marriage and the
family. It is also for this reason that it cannot and should not apologise for
insisting that other forms of relationship are not of the same nature and status
as that of marriage and the family. The looming debate about the level of recognition
that is appropriate for what are called “de facto” unions makes this an important
and urgent issue.

The question of “de facto” unions

The so called ‘De Facto’ unions have been taking on special importance in recent years.
The common element of such unions is that of being forms of co-habitation of a sexual
kind, which are not marriage. Some recent initiatives propose the institutional
recognition of ‘de facto’ unions and even their equivalence to families which have
their origin in a marriage commitment. It is important to draw attention to the
damage that such recognition and equivalence would represent for the identity of
marriage as traditionally understood. The question of recognition of same-sex
unions has also been raised. The Catholic Church remains committed to advocating
and promoting the common good of everyone in our society and to giving practical
expression to our pastoral concern for homosexual people within and beyond the
Catholic Church. The Catholic Church teaches that homosexual people are to be
‘accepted with respect, compassion and sensitivity’ . The Church condemns all
forms of violence, harassment or abuse directed against people who are homosexual.
In recent years there have been significant changes to the law to remove
discrimination against people on the grounds of their sexuality. These changes
have removed injustices, without of themselves creating any parallel legal
institution to marriage.

However, it is essential when considering future legislation concerning marriage
and the family, to acknowledge the vital distinction between private homosexual
behaviour between consenting adults, and formalising that behaviour as ‘a relationship
in society, foreseen and approved by the law, to the point where it becomes an
institution in the legal structure.’ Legal developments must be considered not
only in terms of their impact on individuals, but also in terms of their impact
on the common good and on the fundamental institutions of society such as marriage
and the family. As a recent Vatican Congregation’s note on this issue points out,
‘civil laws play a very important and sometimes decisive role in influencing patterns
of thought and behaviour. Legal recognition of homosexual unions would obscure
certain basic moral values and cause a devaluation of the institution of marriage.’

The recognition of same-sex unions on the same terms as marriage would suggest to
future generations and to society as a whole that marriage as husband and wife, and
a same-sex relationship, are equally valid options, and an equally valid context for
the bringing up of children. Sacred Scripture and the natural order clearly point
out that this is not the case.

What is at stake here is the natural right of children to the presence normally of
a mother and father in their lives. Given the legal changes that have already taken
place and the fact that two people can make private legal provision covering many
aspects of their lives together, including joint ownership of homes, living wills
and powers of attorney, the argument that same-sex marriage is necessary to protect
human rights becomes a redundant one. When it is balanced against the manner in which
it will undermine such a fundamental institution as marriage and the family, it is
difficult to see how such a development could be justified in terms of the Government’s
duty to defend marriage and the common good.

The role of the Church

The Second Synod on Europe discussed the pastoral care of the faithful who are divorced
and civilly re-married. In the words of the Apostolic Exhortation Ecclesia in Europa,
‘they are not excluded from the community; rather, they are encouraged to share in its
life, while undertaking a journey of growth, in the spirit of the Gospel’s demands.’
(#93) We need to examine again how seriously here in Ireland we have undertaken this
task of encouraging and convincing people who are struggling with unresolved issues
in their lives that they are not excluded but belong to the community of the Church.
We must constantly examine how faithfully we seek to make the Church a living sign
and a sanctuary of God’s compassion for all of human kind.

The strong conviction that marriage and the family should have a privileged status
has made the defence of marriage and the family a constant theme in Catholic social
teaching and a legitimate focus for much of the Church’s activity and resources. It
is wholly appropriate, for example, that the Catholic Church funds organisations such
as CURA and ACCORD, about which we will hear more later. These organisations contribute
in an outstanding way, on behalf of the Catholic Church, but not exclusively for the
Church, to the support of those three values of Catholic life which are inextricably
linked – the Gospel of Life, the Covenant of Marriage, and the love of family.

ACCORD, provides care and support for those preparing for marriage in the Catholic
Church, for those already married through programmes of enrichment and for those
experiencing difficulties in their relationships, through its highly professional
counselling service, in which it is generally regarded as a leader in its field.
Currently it has 57 Centres throughout the island of Ireland and is jointly funded
by the Irish Bishops’ Conference and by the Family Support Agency, under the
Department of Family and Social Affairs. ACCORD is a welcome and worthy example
of appropriate and effective co-operation between Church and State in the mutual
support of the family. I salute the members of ACCORD for their generous and
invaluable contribution to the safeguarding and promotion of marriage.

ACCORD also provides the Irish Bishops’ Conference and Irish society as a whole with
an important facility for research into the dynamics of marriage and family at work
in our society. I found it particularly interesting to note the findings of their
recent survey on ‘Unhappy marriages: Does Counselling Help?’ It indicated that three
main issues were contributing to unhappiness in marriage:

• Trading criticism and insults and not listening
• Disputes over sharing housework and childcare chores
• Experiencing financial difficulties.

It seems that for men the main issue was criticism and for women, not being listened
to. Perhaps there are lessons here for more than just married couples! It is also a
timely reminder of the need to invest time in building our relationships at home,
something which is under increasing strain because of the many financial pressures
on the modern Irish family. To afford a house, to meet the demands of our consumerist
society and to pay the basic bills, including child care, more and more families have
to have both parents going out to work, with the possibility that both parents are
coming home tired, with little ‘quality’ time to spend with each other or with their
children. The increased mobility of some families, their frequent movement from place
to place without establishing any real roots, has further aggravated this situation.
This is particularly acutely felt by immigrant families and by refugees. Their sense
of fear and isolation can be profound. Both the Government and local communities have
an obligation to do all in their power to support the needs of those families in their
midst who, like many Irish families who have emigrated, know what it is to be ‘strangers
in a foreign land.’

In addition to ACCORD, the agency known as CURA also plays a central, and thoroughly
professional role, in supporting the Church in its promotion of the Gospel of life,
marriage and the family, providing care, counselling and support for those who find
themselves dealing with an unplanned or unwanted pregnancy. Recent statistics show
that more and more children are being born to single mothers, some of whom are very
young. That this has coincided with the increased availability of contraception for
young people, under the banner of reducing unwanted pregnancies, is a statistic
deserving of more honest and objective reflection. Last year over 30% of all births
registered in the Republic of Ireland were born outside of wedlock. CURA offers
compassion and care for these mothers, fathers, children and their families. Many
of its voluntary workers open the doors of their homes to host these young mothers-
to–be and to support them through their pregnancy. That the Trojan work done by CURA
is often ignored is something much to be regretted. I thank this agency for its
splendid service to the cause of life.

In more recent years the outstanding work of both these organisations has been supported
and extended by the development of a wide range of Family Ministry programmes in various
Dioceses throughout the country. These important initiatives are yet another concrete
expression of the priority given to the support of the family in the life of the Church.
Their objective is to provide support for all aspects of the family through all its
experiences, from parenting programmes to bereavement groups, from support for those
facing separation and divorce to support for those preparing for marriage, to initiatives
for children coping with separation or bereavement to the development of formally
recognised training programmes for lay people who wish to work voluntarily in support
of family life at Parish level.

The development of these initiatives is itself an indication of the unique and varied
pressures which the family now faces in Irish life. The rapid pace of social change;
the revolution of values within our culture; the sometimes inappropriate intrusion of
the mass media into our homes; the impact of changing political and economic conditions,
most notably the lack of affordable housing, the growing disillusionment with rampant
consumerism and the increasing gap between the haves and the have nots: all of these
have placed the Irish family under unprecedented stress in recent years.

Modern Challenges

Some of these pressures are due to broad social forces over which a family has no
control. When market forces militate against the family then, the case for Government
intervention is strong. Whether it is the lack of affordable housing, the promotion
of excessive drinking, or the targeting of young people through highly sexualised
music, marketing, clothes and magazines, there comes a time when someone in our
society must ask, is this the kind of society we really want? Have we got the balance
right between the tried and tested values of the past and the legitimate hopes of a
freer and more prosperous future? Have we substituted old forms of social and moral
slavery for new ones? Where is the evidence that, for all the changes family life in
Ireland is any happier, loving, or more secure than it was before?

Today I seem to meet more people, particularly parents, who are expressing concerns
about what they see as the moral and social disintegration of Irish society. They
feel isolated, unsupported and powerless in the face of a persistent undermining of
the values which have traditionally sustained Irish society and the family, values
like self-respect, self-control and sobriety.

They are deeply concerned about the increase in violent crime; excessive drinking
patterns; the easy availability of illegal drugs; the disintegration of the sense
of community; the loneliness and isolation of the modern city and the rural parish;
the sexualisation of their children at an increasingly early age; the pressure to
earn and to succeed; the fear that one of their children might commit suicide; and
the development of a selfish class with little or no concern for the common good.

When the family disintegrates through unbearable social pressures, or when its
privileged status is diminished, then a move towards unacceptable individualism
is inevitable, with increased fragmentation and an accompanying loss of social
cohesion. The home is where we learn how to live with others, how to cope with
diversity, how to limit our individual desires in the light of other people’s
needs. It is where we first learn the healing power of love and acceptance, how
to cope with loss and hurt, where we learn the meaning of life and who we are. It
is the first school of faith, the ‘domestic Church’, the ‘imprint of divine love’,
the place where you can go, when no-one else will take you in. For all these reasons
the family has a very valuable and irreplaceable role in Irish society.

Conclusions

It is for these reasons that our seminar here today is so important. A magnificent
weekend of celebrations marked the accession of ten more countries into the EU. On
Saturday last I was present at a meeting of the Polish Bishops’ Conference in Warsaw.
It was attended by bishops representing the vast majority of the EU countries. They
spoke of the strong commitment to marriage and the family among their people. They
voiced their concerns in case their governments or the European Union should do
anything to undermine marriage and the family. It is probable that issues about
marriage the family will play an increasingly important role in the forthcoming
European elections. It is right that the Church should offer this opportunity for
people to press the ‘pause’ button on the issue of the Irish family and invite them
to reflect on its future. Should we rewind, fast forward, or perhaps even reset our
understanding of this particularly important and profoundly valuable institution?
Are we in danger of becoming more and more like the Simpsons, or has Ireland something
deeper and more fruitful to offer to European, indeed to international reflection
on the nature and role of the family?

My own suggestion is that we should honour the richness of our own Celtic and Christian
tradition, with its ability to see the will of the Creator in the design of nature,
with its instinctive sense of the sacred value of family and clan, yet with its remarkable
capacity for hospitality, inclusion and welcome. We must draw from the best of what is
old and what is new.

In thanking you all for being here, let me also thank the Irish Government for its
decision to celebrate the 10th Anniversary of the United Nations Year of the Family.
It shows a keen awareness of the importance of the family in our society and provides
us with an opportunity to reflect on how critical it is for all of us to nurture and
support the institutions of Christian marriage and the family.

ENDS

3rd May 2004

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